Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize