Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Michael Bay diarrhea
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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