capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
