yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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