people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
