My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
