Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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