I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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