did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
