STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
