peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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