Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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