Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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