Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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