my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
