get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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