I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize