whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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