I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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