The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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