Me. At least after what I've been through.
I cockslap morals
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
