I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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