I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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