My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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