Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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