You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
