I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize