You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize