Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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