The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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