quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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