Your mouth is God's brothel.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
