I swear she didn't look like that last week.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
