i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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