Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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