she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
