You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
