Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
