Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
