I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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