Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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