dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
