Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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