Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
