Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
