it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
