my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
