question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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