dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
