new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
