Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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