is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
