I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
