i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
