I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you will always have a special place in my vag
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
