bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
