i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
