maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
