Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
