Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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