Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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