Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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