You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize