I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
