Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
