i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
